4 Ways to Kill a Marriage

Originally written August 2009

If you want your marriage to succeed, make sure that these four things that can kill your marriage are avoided.

A University of Washington researcher who has studied marriage and married couples for years states that these four behaviors can kill both your love for one another and your marriage:

  • Sarcasm
  • Contempt
  • Stonewalling
  • Unwilling to meet requess

Hmmm, the first two are both things that really cut into a man’s self esteem. Sarcasm and contempt will rob your husband of respect, the one thing the Bible is clear every man needs. Notice, not just wants, but needs.

Stonewalling is refusing to answer a question or giving evasive replies is only good if it is to exercise self-control. For any other reason it would just be manipulative and selfish.

Of the four behaviors, the one that troubles me the most is the last one. You see, once you are aware of how damaging and wrong sarcasm, contempt, and stonewalling are, you can pray for and begin to put into action a plan to turn it around.

But, not be willing to meet your husband’s requests is the one that truly stems from a thoroughly selfish heart. And, during Jesus’ time on earth, He modeled unselfishness over and over again. So, it’s not that you can’t change and work to become more giving of yourself.


My concern is that if you don’t desire to please your husband, this selfishness will result in other character flaws as well. In other words, you may find it difficult to set aside what you want to do and care for your family and their needs as well.

“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others,” Philippians 2:3-4.

So ladies, now you are aware of 4 ways to kill a marriage.

Which one do you need to work on the most and what are you going to do to change?

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3 Responses to 4 Ways to Kill a Marriage

  • Gretchen Campos says:

    This is summed up so well. It is absolutely true. I have over the years learned to curb my sarcastic tongue. He doesn’t always deserve my respect but God asks me to give it. I probably don’t always deserve his love, but the Lord asks that he give it. Thanks for this. :)

    • Lorrie Flem says:

      You’ve got it exactly right…it’s not about deserving, it’s about obedience. Imagine if God gave us only what we deserved….makes me shudder!!! Praise Him for His grace and mercy, may we show that to our husbands.

  • Kim Sample says:

    Very Nice Article

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