Sex: Steak & Lobster

Let’s look at what Solomon’s love said about him along this line in Song of Songs 7:10,

“I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me.”

Did you notice the confidence and pride with which she says this? She happily proclaims that she belongs to him and that his desire is for her. How can she be so sure of herself? Rare is the man who can fall out of love with a woman who is his woman and proud of it.

This woman of Solomon’s thought he was fantastic and she told him so often. But she didn’t stop there to keep this man hers. The Bible also tells us that she ached for him when they were apart and wanted to be with him as much as possible.

“How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming!”

Song of Songs 1:16.


Show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely,”

Song of Songs 2:14.


“My lover is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand. His head is purest gold; his hair is wavy and black as a raven. His eyes are like doves by the water streams, washed in milk, mounted like jewels. His cheeks are like beds of spice yielding perfume. His lips are like lilies dripping with myrrh. His arms are rods of gold set with chrysolite. His body is like polished ivory, decorated with sapphires. His legs are pillars of marble set on bases of pure gold. His appearance is like Lebanon, choice as its cedars. His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This is my lover, this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem,” Song of Songs 5:10–16.


Doesn’t she go on, though? This is the kind of woman I could love to hate. Why? Because she makes me feel guilty. Guess what? Instead of hating her, I decided to join her. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” How did you treat your husband before you were married? Did you try your best to please him? Do you still?

What really sticks with me when I read about Solomon’s love is that, yes, she looked good, but that isn’t what I see him saying draws him to her. I believe what keeps Solomon captivated is her love, her desire, and her awe for him. That is what I mean. Feed him steak!

This next point seems like something I shouldn’t even need to mention, but believe me, I know for a fact from talking to women across the U.S. that it needs to be reiterated. We are to never refuse our husband intimacy. If he feels affection and/or desire for you and wants to express it, you don’t have a headache or anything else wrong with you.

Just at Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:5, “Do not deprive each other, except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

The biggest gift you have to give your husband is yourself. Give him your respect; treat him as a desirable man, as your hero. To do this you have to look beyond yourself and look to him.

You don’t have to be young and slim to love intimacy. More than one study has shown that the marriages which are most full of intimacy are the couples who have been married for a long time.


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Love, Love, Love,

Lorrie, Randy’s Rib

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8 Responses to Sex: Steak & Lobster

  • K.M. says:

    This is a message women NEED to hear!!! “Do not deprive each other, unless its mutual!” … or you are helping Satan to destroy your husband. The world certainly does not encourage us to give & give & give, but it is God’s way, and the way to happiness.

  • Charity says:

    This has been an area of struggle in our marriage. When we were newlyweds my husband was on some antiseizure meds which decreased his libido. Now he is well and now I am on meds that decrease my libido. We had to learn to be honest with each other. Before he got well and off the meds I had to remember that he was making sacrifices for y fulfillment because he loved me just as now he keeps in mind that I love him enough to be intimate even though most of the time I do not feel like it. We must make intimacy a priority because well frankly it is important. Even more so now that he desires it. So I am trying to make it a priority to fulfill him in this way. My thinking is that God made him to need this and I am his only way of fulfilling that need so this is no area to be selfish in.

    • Lorrie Flem says:

      So true, Charity, that being honest with each other is key. Also, thinking of the other more than yourself. That helps also.

  • Kelly says:

    This is a huge problem area in my marriage, and although my husband understands, I can tell it’s still frustrating for him.

    Lorrie, I wanted to email you a question, but can’t find a way to contact you other than the link to have you as a speaker. is there another “contact me” link I’m missing?

  • Lily says:

    I have a question. How do you treat a man as your hero, when you don’t feel like he is your hero, or feel dissapointed by him? I don’t like fakeness, in fact I hate it when I see it in people. I want to be sincere, not put on a fake face.

    • Lorrie Flem says:

      Treating your husband with respect is a command from God…thus it is a choice you have to make. You can obey God or choose not to.
      I try to look at it this way when I am less than happy with my hubby….He is commanded to love me even when I am not very easy to love. Two imperfect people trying to make a go of it.
      Begin by praying for God to give you the idea that your hubby IS your hero. Look for areas where you do feel that way.
      Remember, with God all things are possible.

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